I’m sure my mom is cringing when she’s reading this, and I’m sorry that I talk about my gas so much … but if we can’t laugh about this together, then it’s no fun in the first place.
I just farted, I know thats surprising, but the best part is – it was SO LOUD that I actually startled the baby. It Jumped. I scared my child with my gas.
This parenting this is going to be AWESOME. Bring it on. I’ve got gas.
(Fast forward 15 years)
I’m sorry, you’re past curfew why? Uh huh, and did I forget to tell your friends that when I was pregnant with you I FARTED SO LOUD THAT YOU JUMPED in scared reaction to the ENORMOUS sound output?!? Maybe I should let them all know about how my BOOBS LEAKED EVERYDAY when I was pregnant with you and how often I had to CHANGE MY SHIRT because of the leaking. Or maybe we could mention to them that I FARTED IN MY DOCTORS FACE, LITERALLY. Actually, yes … let’s tell them about the time when your dad and I were trying to be intimate and I FARTED in the middle of everything, because you kept KICKING MY INTESTINES. Yeah. Go to your room.

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