The Pact, By Jodi Picoult

I just finished reading THE PACT by Jodi Picoult. I bought this book 2 days ago and went against every maternal promise I’d made myself and let Jessica watch Elmo about 3 times yesterday because I just couldn’t put the book down.
Today I finished it while she’s napping. I can’t tell you the kind of emotion this book evoked in me. Passion, perseverance, love, needing to be near my family, wanting to have a transparent relationship with Aaron and even reflecting on what it felt like to be stuck in a 16 year old head with 25 year old aspirations and thinking “Oh God – will it ever end?”
I certainly didn’t have a romantic relationship like the one described in The Pact in high school but I did have a serious puppy love with a boy about a mile down the road. We used to meet at the creek to make out. I was shamelessly in love with him at 14 and wrote endless wishes about my future with this boy in my journals on a nightly basis. I remember physically not being able to breathe because it hurt so much to be that young and that in love. Not that I knew what love was yet. But I sure thought I did.
Those were the best of days and those were the worst of days. I’ll always remember this boy because we shared some pretty special history and he was the one I turned to when things went wrong in my life. I suffered quite literally from severe depression in high school from a lot of different things, one of them merely being that I was a teenager who so badly wanted to not be a teenager anymore. My family life was rocky but I had this boy I could go to, to cling to. We were pretty dependant on each other.
We broke up numerous times as you do when you’re 15 and having a boyfriend in the summer when you can’t see each other is completely useless, but we always found our way back to each other – as miserable as that was for both of us at times. I stopped going to our school after my sophmore year because I so afraid, among other things, that I would end up in this trap of high school sweet hearts – bound to go to college together and bound to get married in middle America the summer after graduating.
I pretty much ran away. I’ve spent the last 6 years wondering why I ran away, going through my journals, and talking to counselors – my parents and friends. I wanted so much more for my life – I created my destiny. I wanted to be the one in control of where I was going – I didn’t want to just end up in this life because thats where it seemed like it was always heading.
Of course I met Aaron – and we got married. And I love where I am now. I definitely feel like I’ve grown leaps and bounds from being the tortured teenager with hormones and poetry running my life. But this book, The Pact, so eloquently describes the pain and the self-torture and the inhumane dependency a teenager feels when you’re wading in an adult’s world through a child’s eyes.

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