Lets not be so predictable.

In an effort to try and be less mundane with this website I’m going to throw a few things out there.
There are things I’m dieing to write about but censor because of certain people I know reading this. There isn’t much in my life right now where I’m allowed to be selfish – so I’m going to be selfish here.
My apologies.
I bought the uncensored version of Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake and play it LOUDLY when I’m alone. It makes me feel liberated because I am allowed to listen to songs with foul language in them. I even know the words … and I sing them. Out. Loud.
I’d like to yell at about 4 people and lay awake at night going over and over the conversations, getting every detail, every adjective right so that when I grow balls and actually say something, it’ll be perfect – in a mumbling nervous sort of way.
I recently became addicted to yeast breads – the making of. Our freezer is over flowing.
When I’m driving alone and not listening to slutty lyrics, I often say Bitch Cock Balls because no one is around to hear it. AND IT FEELS GOOD.
Being a mom isn’t everything I ever thought it would be. I never imagined that being a mom might mean not being me. Mom’s don’t swear. I was ok with that, but now I’m a mom and although I don’t have a dieing desire to list off every bad word known to man on a daily basis, would I ever like to scream a few four letter words at the top of my lungs sometimes. For no apparent reason. Because no one is listening, or everyone is.
I’d really like to stop wiping someone else’s tush though. Mine is enough to deal with.
Obviously I need to find out what makes me happy other than being a mom – where do my passions lie? What makes my heart beat faster? Sure, my kid smiling, awww … that’s the answer we’re supposed to give. When she wakes up and crawls in my arms everything is right with the world. A+ to you. This is all true and for some people that’s enough. But what happens when Jessica goes to school and moves out of our house – then what makes me happy? Every one needs something. I need something.

2 thoughts on “Lets not be so predictable.

  1. when you find out what it is, let me know how you figured it out so i can figure it out for me too šŸ™‚

  2. Jodi – I admire you for your honesty. I was in my late 30’s before I got honest with myself and everyone around me. I am still working on figuring out what it is exactly what I want to be when I grow up. I think the key is to enjoy the journey, instead of focusing on the destination.

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