Mothers day

I love being a mom. I’m not going to lie. I’m not going to sugar coat it or make it less than it is. I’m also not going to let you believe that I breathe for my role as a mother, that I’m perfect or that I know what I’m doing.
I love being a mom, yes – but more than that, I love being Jessica’s mom. I realize now that my mom was telling the truth when she told me things and then proceeded to tell me I wouldn’t understand until I was a mom myself. I always resented that. Like, seriously? Can’t you just tell me, in lamens terms, what you mean?
The simple answer to that is no. No. You really won’t ever understand some of this stuff until you’re a mom. Like how far you really would go for your kids. Or how much you actually love them and what that feels like.
I have days, Lord, do I have days where all I want to do is call someone and tell them I quit. I’m done! I made a big mistake, I forgot to tour Europe and be a band groupie or live on my own in Boston before all this. This motherhood. But then I see her sleeping and think about how she smells when she’s just waking up.
How she says my name when she’s tried or wants some more cheese. How she plays hide and seek under my legs and wants to snuggle snuggle when we watch Elmo. Europe doesn’t have that.
Being a mom is hands down the hardest thing I’ve ever done and will continue to do until I die. I’m tired just thinking about whats to come – driving and boys and kissing. Jessica – do not date until you’re out of high school. Or at least not seriously. It’s not worth it.
I have so many things I want to protect her from, hurts and mistakes and milestones. I don’t want to vicariously live through her and her accomplishments or the way she might do things differently than me. I’m so excited to see the person she’s becoming and to meet her where she is and just do life.
But mothers day is more than that – more than all the pretty things and tired things and hard things we women do as mothers. It’s also about celebrating the women we are as individuals. If it weren’t for mothers we wouldn’t have the next generations. If it weren’t for mothers who care about their children and love their children unconditionally, who pray for and with their children or who cry for and with their children we would be a sad species.
So here’s to healthy, whole women who are healthy, whole mothers.
Happy Mothers Day.

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