A letter to you.

Dear Out Loud Thinkers,
I know. I know I’m big for only being 14 1/2 weeks pregnant. Thank you, oh so much, for pointing this out to me, loudly. Like I can’t see straight in the mirror or I’ve suddenly discovered chocolate for the first time. I do know how big my belly is – I have to walk around with it.
What you don’t know, Out Loud Thinkers, is that I have yet to gain any weight – in fact I’m losing weight steadily and have called my doctor in between visits because this scares me. Yes. It scares me. I don’t lose weight while pregnant. I gain it, and a lot of it. I also know this about me, only it’s not holding true this time around.
So you’re most likely pointing out the fact that I just ate and my belly is sticking out because that happens to be comfortable at the moment. I do not have to suck it in any more. I’m pregnant. Thankyouverymuch. Also? I still haven’t lost all the weight I gained while pregnant with Jessica – and maybe I was never going to. Maybe my body changed – it happens, and I was happy with it. But you didn’t know that either – so thanks for delicately pointing that out to me also – only you make it sound like I should be ashamed.
You’re very wrong, Out Loud Thinkers. This pregnancy is so different than my first it’s like I’m doing this for the first time all over again. And it’s all a little more unnerving this time around after having a miscarriage in May. You didn’t know that either. I know. We didn’t tell you. On purpose. We didn’t know there was going to be another baby until there was no longer another baby coming. It was devastating and happened on Mothers Day. I don’t like talking about it.
So, Out Loud Thinkers, who so tragically happen to be women so far in my case – I know you’ve been through this pregnancy thing and just wanted to know why after having gone through it and knowing all of this for yourselves that you still can’t keep your mouth shut? I know, already. I know, I know, I know. I look too big to be 14 1/2 weeks pregnant, but the ultrasound and blood work confirm that I am only 14 1/2 weeks along, that I’m due in May of 2008 and that, damnit, this is just how big I am – without doing a thing to help it along.
The “I can’t believe you’re this big ALREADY” very human pregnant women with able hearing.

One thought on “A letter to you.

  1. i think you’re beautiful. i really do. you’re a great mom, wonderful wife, and caring friend.
    who the hell cares what size you are or are not.
    you’re beautiful, and so is the baby growing inside you!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.