A day in the life

Yesterday’s post turned out a little differently than I had thought it would. I was going for some comedic relief and it turned melancholy. Either way, it was a good exercise in writing for me. Something other than updates on Jessica. Something different, honest and raw.
Unlike this morning being woken up to something crashing in the kitchen – a good hour after Aaron had already left for work. We have an alarm system now because ever since Aaron went on business trips for a good 6 weeks in a row this past summer I have an unrealistic fear of being watched and ultimately murdered.
It’s very gory, I’ll spare you the details. And Aaron’s family will know how serious this is when I mention our seriously considering getting a dog. You see, his family is very much the animal type people, his sister especially. We? We are the very not animal people, we don’t really mind them if they’re someone else’s animal but if we have to spend too much time with a dog or cat or have to pet it over and over we break out in hives from mental allergies.
We just … don’t like animals very much. And we had a couple very long talks about what to do about this dilemma … we settled on the security system to see if it calmed my nerves at all because it got to the point of me being just as deathly scared when Aaron was home as when he was gone. I would wake him up 6 times a night some nights just to go check what that sound was.
We both weren’t getting any sleep and had no idea how to put my fears to rest. Insert very loud alarm that turns on lights when activated. The first few nights were no different, I must have tested them a good 4 or 5 times to see if it really worked. And then it happened. They went off on their own. Aaron had set them off one night without knowing it and that some how finally made me sleep. I finally knew it worked.
Fast forward to this morning – and the crashing of items without the alarm going off? Aaron disarmed it on his way out this morning as to not wake me up and scare the living shit out of me, he’s so thoughtful, however, Jessica isn’t privy to all this information so she had no idea that getting out of her room (which she normally can’t do alone), dragging a dining chair to the counter, scaling the chair and counter to reach the pop cans waiting to be brought to recycling and dropping them would wake me up out of a dead sleep, assist in the undignified release of all pent up fears and palpitate my heart at an unhealthy rate.
This is called a panic attack. I about shit myself. Then it registered to me that the alarm never went off and it must be Jessica, my child, scaring the living daylights out of me from my r.e.m sleep cycle.
She had no idea why mommy was so hysterical so logically I told her the truth.
You scared me. You could have fallen and hurt yourself, mom would have helped you get a drink, please come and get me when you get out of your room. You’re not allowed to get out of your room without mom or dad. You know this. I have to pee, you scared the pee right out of me. Lets read some books.
And thats how my morning started.

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