Surviving the Holidays

It’s that time again – when family comes out of the wood works and parties and stress seem to be at an all time high. Aside from remembering the reason for the season here’s a comical guide on how to survive the Holidays. You’re welcome.
1. Drink more.
2. Bring a pen and paper where ever you go and make sure to jot down those awful things your relatives say to you every year then blog about it, because we care.
3. Have a texting buddy and keep each other sane through dinner.
4. If there are small children running afoot – step on them.
5. If they’re still running afoot after this and you’re not hosting the party, break out the glue, glitter, paint and markers and tell everyone that Grandma said it was ok to redecorate the bathroom (upstairs)!!
6. Have another glass of wine.
7. Raid the master bedroom closet for a costume, then do an impromptu skit about the hosts. Sexual innuendoes expected.
8. Break the deafening silence with an announcement; try these on for size: “So I hear you’re pregnant?!”, “I’m gay!”, “What’s this I hear about you and a mistress, Uncle Bill?”, “We got married in VEGAS! Yay, baby!”, “Mom, Dad, everyone … I was waiting to tell you this until later but I can’t wait – I got a job! My stage-name is Butterbuns!”
9. Fart. Often. Smelly ones.
10. Assume the position to throw down some mad wrestling skills when the present opening is happening – the “Santa” of the night needs a body-slam and we all know it.

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