I hate myself for how impatient I am with Jessica some times.
I don’t know how to fix it.
I watch her sleep and think “tomorrow will be so much better” but it never is.
I hate the mother I am most days but I don’t know how to rise above it and be the person she deserves from me.
I feel insurmountable guilt over these feelings, this struggle.

4 thoughts on “Confessions

  1. In a “I don’t know what to say but I want to say something” comment – I recognize your frustration as I have the same struggle. I’d probably add that your frustration comes from a lack of time for yourself (allowing you to mentally step back, digest and think/plan on how to do things differently) and my working so much doesn’t help any of that struggle.

  2. I am there with you, Jodi. I wish I could offer encouragement, but all I can honestly say is that I know where you’re coming from, and I am there with you.

  3. i’m not a mother, and i don’t know what it’s like, but i’ve observed several mothers with their children. from my view you are a TON more patient than most… it’s gotta be some kind of spectrum, and i’m certain everyone is impatient from time to time. From what I see, you do a great job with both your kids!

  4. Jodi,
    This was so me yesterday. I was loosing it all over the place with Everett. And I hate that I turn from him (after yelling at him or scolding him) and am all happy face and smiles with Solomon. Can we say multiple personality disorder?? AND Everett is noticing this now too. He is saying things like “Why are you never mad at Solomon?” or “You never tell Solomon no.” (I do but it is still so different). So after the day I had yesterday and reading this today I decided I better go and find some encouragement….some hope! I am doing a study “the Power of a Praying Parent” and love that there are quick scripture references in there! I came across this one…It was a GREAT reminder for me “Now may the God of PATIENCE and COMFORT grant you to be like-minded toward one another (even with our children), according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 15:5-6
    He will comfort us when we feel like horrible moms and give us the patience we need AMEN! Hope you day is looking up today. And I pray that you find comfort seeing that your husband posted first to this entry. šŸ˜‰

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