I feel like I pick the most inopportune times to write self exposing entries on this blog. Not because I don’t want people know, I just don’t want to meet the people who do know. I live a very happy life but I have more layers than any onion I’ve ever cut and it’s hard to expose all these layers, so innocently, on a forum in which I’m just comforted to know that somewhere out there I may be helping someone else through the same issue. Or at least I like to think that I’m not alone when I put the raw bits of my insides all over the internet.
I’ve been blogging for 10 years and I’ve always just been hidden away. A few people here and there, friends and family. Every once in a while a link or community from elsewhere online finds me and traffic goes up. For a long time I craved traffic. Some how I wanted fame in the pretty little package of a blog but I’m very sure that is not at all what I want any more. I just want to write. I want to tell stories. My stories. I want to be honest. I mean, why can’t we all just be honest?
Now I’m at a conference for blogging and I’m handing out my URL left and right to people (Hi!!) and I have crippling anxiety about what these new eyes are going to read when they scroll down. I’m wearing makeup in real life, but I’m naked on paper.