There’s this thing that happens inside of me when I’m nervous, excited or anxious. Mostly it’s been around uncomfortable situations but it’s changed. The entire inside of my body shakes. I’m an earthquake of exploding emotions from the inside out and there are triggers that make it blow.
Life has changed. I still get that vigorous, anxious emotion when uncomfortable things come up but it’s more now because exciting things are happening. People, my life is waking up. We’re in the middle of something that will bring me to the brink of wondering how I ever lived without this. “This” being so many things. Opportunities. Adventures.
I know for a fact that I died in many sense 8 1/2 years ago. I know exactly why and how and when. I remember the very second. Some day I’ll tell you about it. Ever since then I’ve been slowly making my way through the remnants of my life from then on out.
I had a teacher in high school who once told my parents that I was special. Not in the way you’d think. Not like, aw, she’s a special student. I appreciate her in my class. His words had weight to them. Weight I couldn’t wait to lift. He could have whispered that and my soul would have heard it and taken notice. Someone knew. Someone got me. Someone else saw it.
I don’t say all of this to make myself look amazing or awesome. I promise, I’m very much the opposite – but you’ve had it. I know you have. There’s a moment in your life where you think/wonder if anyone else sees it too? Do they see the potential you have? Does anyone else recognize this, recognize me?
Am I the only one who has ever felt this way?
I just always knew that this wasn’t it. I was put here to do something special. We all are. But from a very young age I could feel it. Like sitting so still the morning dew grabs onto your own arms, and because you’re so aware of your surroundings – the sunlight gives you goosebumps.
Maybe this eruption inside of me, maybe this is the special thing. One day I’m going to let it go and watch what happens. It’s getting close. I cannot wait.
And I’m scared shitless.