Ha. Ha. Ho. Hee. Ho. Ha.

It hasn’t all been dramatic and terrible (that’s me trying to convince myself).

Aside from the tears and my stress level the traveling part went as well as it could have gone with weather being a factor and having our day get thrown into a pit of fire. I guess something I need to learn in 2010 is how to be more flexible. Way to give me a warning – lets just jump right in!

I generally pride myself on being so laid back and I am, in day to day life but when it comes to planning something away from home. A day, a couple hours, a weekend. I get underneath my own skin and just want to hermit in my house instead. I think this has more to do with my personality than any real stress of planning a situation. I just, I don’t like unknowns or crowds of people that I don’t have some kind of control over. I don’t like not being on my own turf, knowing the people/lay of the land.

Valium would do wonders for me, I’m told.

However! Aaron is a wonderful addition to my personality in this way because he thrives on the unknown and the crowds. He sees a sea of people and he’s drawn to the middle of it, wants to know what’s happening. Me? I’d rather arrange to hang out with family members for a day than strangers … but Aaron? Would much rather spend time in the middle of knowing nothing and noone for hours at a time.

There’s generally a middle ground where we both benefit – but airports, planes and small children don’t lend well to the compromise in this situation. There are too many unknowns for me calm my shit down – every male who walks past me is a suspect in my mind. I’m constantly evaluating how much force I’d have to use to get away from him if he were to come after me or my kids. Going into bathrooms in airports is like sending me into a blind chicken fight and I’m the referee. I replay bits of movies, I reread accounts of fighting and weak spots in my mind in bursts of clarity and pure carnal ability to protect what’s mine. I ask myself over and over again if I had to poke out their eyes am I going to think twice about it?

How high would I have to kick to knee him where it hurts? How much time would that buy me if I had to run.

Is this normal? I have no idea. I only started feeling this primal about my well-being after I became a mother … and more so after my children started walking … and EVEN more so after my children multiplied.

I am a hungry mother bear when it comes to my kids and anyone in my path is the one thing standing in my way of feeding them. I will do whatever the hell is takes to get you out of my way and keep my kids alive, fed and safe.

So. Deep breathing.

That’s what got me here – adrenaline, no sleep, coffee and primal instincts to survive. Excuse me if all I want to do for the next 48 hours is cuss and drink cheap whiskey. We made it!! Alive!!! No one was hurt!!!

FUCKING SHIT MOTHER EFFER HEEYA HOORAY FUCK FUCK DAMN BITCH

That. Feels. Amazing.

(11 months ago I made a video about swearing. I like to swear on my own time just because I can, it feels good. You don’t have to agree with me, I know most of you don’t, but in case you wanted a bit of background on it feel free to watch the video.)