When I look back on our vacation to Florida I’m going to remember her face when we finally arrived at the Magic Kingdom.

I’ll remember watching my family dig for shells.

And play in the ocean.

I’ll remember Jessica meeting the princesses and characters.

And I’ll remember these goofs.

And her birthday, the fifth birthday. The one in which finally woke something up inside me about being a parent. More so than when she was born, about keeping her safe and alive, something forceful about her wellbeing and future. Something dynamic that I’ve been putting on the list of things-to-do for the past 4 years but could never get there. Something about putting aside all the banter from media, other parents, my parents or books … and finally listening to what’s inside. Something about her.