Well well well.
I didn’t know I’d be crossing this one off the list next. So, here’s where I go in a couple different directions, but I promise to come back around and make a point.
On my way out to my dad’s place in the sticks, with a wonderful pull barn full of tools he was allowing me to use and learn on, I was thinking about why this skill was so important to me. Sure, it’s cool to know how to use a saw and build something, but I wrote this on a list of things I wanted to do in my entire life. It was bigger to me than cool factor.
I started crying on my way out to my dad’s house … oh the tears I’m shedding over this list! All wonderful, self exposing tears.
I have written here before about parts of my childhood – the part about it that spoiled me, and (I have thought) taught me nothing. That was a wonderful time in my life where I let someone else take care of me, where I was allowed to be the child inside. Where I was pampered, coddled and cooed on. I went right from that to marriage and right from that to parenthood.
All my life my only goal was to be a mom. Marriage. Kids.
I got there so early and so eagerly that a few years later I was seriously wondering if this was it for me. Is this what I was made for? Am I really happy ONLY being a mom? Can I never have another dream? Ambition?
Let’s back up. Being spoiled and coddled didn’t teach me NOTHING. I have life skills, but I feel seriously lacking in that area … and it’s my own fault. I got through most of the last 10 years on my ability to charm. When someone asks me to “prove it” I clam up and start to doubt myself. When really, they’re saying to me … Jodi, you talk alot, but try to walk. And I get scared alone. Walking alone, by myself. I get anxious and nervous and all kinds of bashful.
And then I wrote this list. This list that says, very publicly, I believe in my ability to acomplish my dreams.
And I totally do.
So, folks, here’s my first steps:
I’m tired of living stagnantly. Believing the self-taught, torturous lie that I’m just not good enough to try those things. To conquer unknowns.
So cheers to the Life List! Cheers to being raw and naked on paper, Cheers to putting to work the hands that spell my heart out in words and words and words a day to creating something I can touch and see! I DID IT!
*** I made these bookshelves from Knock Off Wood and I would like to, sincerely, thank her for her talent … I was all set to sign up for a Shop class this year and do whatever it took to learn this skill … then her site appeared, and my confidence with it.
Now I need to paint them: