As we’re busy uprooting our lives over here and deciding on the next best thing, we’ve also been busy actually living life and not freaking out about every detail. (most days)
Tangent: Weekends have proven to be the most difficult because that’s when I have help. I have someone there to tackle this task of moving with me, another set of hands. Another parent to parent and to read books to young children so I can clean a room, box up a memory and price away possessions. However, the details are still so fuzzy. We haven’t inked a contract other than the one that says we’re homeless in less than 2 weeks and things are starting to feel stressful. Aaron asked me tonight after seeing a commercial for depression how I was holding up in the area of my life? Which is funny, how they know when to ask those types of questions, because I was just thinking about that earlier today as I was washing dishes by hand, even though our dishwasher works … and we’re out of detergent. Because I don’t know if our new-to-us rental house will have a dishwasher and I’m dutch.
So I start thinking; if I let myself I could be really really unhappy right now. This whole ordeal has the power to break part of me again. To tear me down and keep me in the alley of my own thoughts, my own deafening thoughts about how bad it is. How it’ll never get better. How many mistakes we’re making, have made, will make. I could get really really sad and then really really angry right now.
And I could feel it. I could feel the anger and needed a distraction. I needed something ELSE to happen in my mind because walking these halls and seeing the empty walls, watching the boxes collect dust bunnies because we’re still here when we should be there was making me feel INSANE.
I felt powerless to the situation in which I thrust myself into.
I am [re]learning lots of wonderful lessons through all of this. I will frame this house when the time is right.
Until then, I’ve also been busy else where …
You can see all of the photos here. I’m just sharing some of my favs.
I’ve been busy with the garden, harvesting my sugar snap peas and trying really hard not to eat all of them right off the vine. I do try to save them to put into meals, but they. are. so. good.
I can’t wait to tell you about making cyanotypes in depth – I did this a few weeks ago with a reader turned friend (Hi Katie!) and she writes about the process here.
Summer is flying by and I am really am loving all of it. Even the stressful days, because in-between wanting to scream and being frustrated and figuring out how to deal with huge life changes … I’m beyond blessed to see this face.
and this face.
And the Summer Jar has kept us occupied and happy as well. More to come …
** I am still super excited about everything and don’t want to whine and complain about the decisions we made, but I also sort through those decisions and emotions here. I have been for 10 years. This is what keeps me from going to that dark place. This is my therapy.