waving the white flag

I’m losing track of what time it is, what day it is. I haven’t left my house to “do anything” for more than, oh, I don’t even know. Days. We went to Family’s house for Christmas for a few hours because our daughters fever broke but then it spiked again, and then our son got it. And I haven’t slept really in a few days.

Aaron woke up this morning feeling the same way and even though we’ve recently been to the kids’ doctor and they gave us amoxicillin for their ear infections (which are apparently better, I made them check) we’re still sick over here. Our girl is complaining of her forehead (I think sinuses) and our boy is complaining about the top of his head (head aches) and both have had high fevers for days. We can get them down but they always go back up. And they don’t sleep restfully or well.

I started out as a very calm mother. I let things go often, didn’t worry about the dirt or all the germs and now I am afraid of them. I want them to stop attacking my kids. I want my daughter to stop resembling the posters of malnourished children, save for the blow out belly. I want to look into my kids’ eyes and see health and not dark circles and sunken in sockets from exhaustion. Or whatever THE HELL THIS IS.


So I called their doctor again this morning and had to leave a message – it went something like this:

This is Jodi Schaap, I’m calling on behalf of my kids, Jessica and Oliver {insert birth dates here} and um? {insert word vomit here} {then, consistently insert words like please, help, tired and fevers} {then plead for a call back}.

They called back. After I sent an SOS message to my mom about how I don’t know how to do this and why can’t I keep my kids healthy and what am I doing wrong? After which I started writing this post.

In our last house we didn’t get sick like this and now I can’t help but wonder if we did this to them by moving to this apartment. This old house that possibly has all kinds of things lurking in the walls – in the furnace. Are we hurting them by living here? We’ve been sick, one way or another, since we moved here.


So here’s my action plan: I will buy the expensive air filters and clean the shit out of this furnace – I will do everything in my power to hound our landlord to do some kind of mold testing on the house, or air quality test. Maybe I can do that by myself. But I’m done. I am done walking to my kids’ room every night praying that they’ll sleep – that tomorrow morning they’ll be ok. I’m going a little mad, I know. But that’s enough already.

We want our health back.

2 thoughts on “waving the white flag

  1. I was always a little sickness/germ phobic, but since having a child it has escalated. All day long I read posts on facebook about abundant sickness amongst everyone I know and it makes me want to hibernate in my house and never leave. I am thinking of buying this…or adding it to a wish list…sure I discover it the day after Christmas.


    I have a hard time accepting the fact that a light can kill germs, but it has great reviews. I want to wand my whole house. Hope the new year brings your family health!!!!!

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