pink slip

There are days where I wish I could be handed a pink slip and just let off the hook in parenting. You tried! Better luck in your next adventure!

Impending weekends used to be something we all looked forward to – lazy mornings, entire days with Aaron. Now I dread them. The three of us, seperate from Aaron, have made our own routines here. Not with out him, entirely. But he is gone an awful lot. We have a rhythm, I have a voice.

Weekends used to be a bit of respite as far as caring for children went. Cleaning the house, organizing and keeping our home together always went a little smoother on the weekends because I had help. Now I just feel like it’s required overtime.

Living in a smaller space the visual cleanliness just never seems to satisfy. Aaron usually spends most of his weekend “cleaning up the clutter” by moving around my systems for organization, rearranging rooms and becoming so restless with this situation and we all sit in a different corner for an hour or two wishing for a way to get away from this place.

Far away.

I guess I’m writing about this because I know of a few friends who understand this feeling – being married to an Entrepreneur brings all kinds of other requirements with it. Some days are amazing – you’re all on top of the world. You’re actually going to make it – but the other 362 days of the year you’re on egg shells. You’re responsible for reading his mind, making the home (and children if you have them) mind themselves so there’s a sense of peace at the place he rests his head to have anxiety attacks and stress induced night sweats for the 6 hours you might get him all to yourself … but he’s never really there with you.

He’s battling how not to treat his family like his employees and how not treat his employees like his family. He’s guilt ridden over always wanting to be with the other half of his life, no matter where he is. At work? He want’s his children – at home, he can’t stop working.

But he’s a god to our children. No matter how many good moments we had in the day, their favorite part of it is when dad walks through the door. He’s Superman! He can wrestle and make forts, most of the time he can discipline and because they don’t constantly test his perameters – they respect his words faster than mine.

Don’t worry – he’ll pick up on this and generally give me tips on how I need to be a better version of the tired self I already am every single day.

Maybe you could look up things to do online? Get some ideas? You know, because I’m incapable of thinking of good ideas on my own. Maybe you could just call a Grandma for a few hours – “get a break”.

I realize these are all hard edges in my own armor that I also need to work on, but as any other wife of a guy with a mind like Aaron’s will tell you – it generally feels like we’ll be chipping away at our armor, constantly changing the way we see things in order to better deal with the reality that “tomorrow” is probably 15 more years away.

But tomorrow is Saturday and as much as I’d like to keep this ship going on my own terms, we’ll be in the thick of treading in shared waters tomorrow.

I’m just not sure how long I’ll last before my head bobbles below the surface and the fight to try again is weaker than the peace of the quiet beneath the chaos.

8 thoughts on “pink slip

  1. Though Aaron and Rich are in very different lines of work, I feel your frustration. There are days, weeks even, that treading water is about all I can do. But keep your head up and don’t hesitate to get the heck out of the house, by yourself, whenever you need to. Rich is a wonderfully supportive husband, as I’m sure Aaron is, and he fully understands my occasional need to flee from the house as soon as he walks in the door. I think sometimes you can hear my tires squeal as I leave the driveway.

  2. Thank you so much for writing that Tandy šŸ™‚ Some times I just need NEED to get this stuff out of my head so I can get on with my day. Just saying it out loud and giving it a place to live outside of the festering depths of my mind gives this kind of stuff wings for me. I can breathe if I don’t have to dwell on the fact that treading water is essentially really good exercise. No matter that we’re constantly exercising my will.

    And yes, just like Rich, Aaron is such a great husband- often giving me the freedom to get out šŸ™‚ If it weren’t for the snow – there’d be occasional tread marks on the drive way.

  3. Ditto. Again, very different line of work, but Pat works 6 day weeks more often than not and Saturdays do just tend to feel like another work day now. Sunday’s are the “weekend” and then it starts again. Blah! I feel your pain lady :O)

  4. Living with an entrepreneur totally sucks sometimes. What works for me is just being brutally honest all the time. So when I’m irritated that it’s midnight and his eyes haven’t broke the gaze of his computer all night, I typically voice my frustration (usually with a little sarcasm– that’s just my style). I win a few battles and lose a few but it helps make us both more aware to what we both need.

    I certainly don’t have it all figured out and I don’t have kids yet. I give you credit, woman! You’ve got a full plate šŸ™‚

  5. I grew up this way. Except my dad had hobbys for when his work could be set down. His hobbys required a lot of work too but we could be involved in them (gardening, sweeping up wood shavings etc) but he could never deal with us all lazing around. We must be productive!! Now my husband (who is wonderful) likes everything in order and quiet or he will be so stressed he starts VIBRATING. He never complains. I feel your pain. I really dislike weekends for this very reason!

  6. I hear ya! When Quin first started he was constantly on the phone and texting. We made a rule that there was NO phone during dinner. It drove me insane. The sacrifices that are made to make sure your husband is successful can be a little draining. I am glad that we are not alone šŸ™‚

  7. You’re all great! Thank you for adding your voice to this conversation – makes us all feel a little less alone I think. Well, at least me šŸ™‚

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