I often get caught up in things that when I have a moment to think about and look back on waste my time. It’s a gross disservice to myself and my family because in the heat of whatever it is I can’t stop thinking about, pursuing, “pinning”, and craving (emotionally, financially, physically, etc) I end up sacrificing so much more.
I find myself struggling with this more often this year. We’ve been in the 7th year of Marriage and, yup, what they say is true. At least for me/us. We’re in a lull of life but that doesn’t mean we can’t hold on to the sweetest moments. I’ve heard myself become the girl in the conversation who just blurts out “I’m Done!” in a response to anything that looks difficult.
I could instead decide to find wisdom in the situation and ask for help or better yet, just be silent and course correct my emotions onto something that doesn’t surround me.
We’ve had challenges this year that I wasn’t expecting and like every year of life nothing is ever exactly the same as the year before. For some people I would assume correctly that their address is a constant in their life. Something I’ve learned that’s hard for me to be disconnected from.
Yet I take the time to invest in a place where my head lies because a home is what makes me feel safe. In the search for the next phase for us we’ve gone from ridiculous trains of thought, possible plans, to sedimentary living in one place foreverandeverwe’llnevermoveever, to the realization that it’s not the address we’re looking for.
It’s a garden or a corner the evokes dreams. Even if it’s the door knob to the front door. There only needs to be one simple thing about a house that makes me feel like I could make it my own. Only one. I don’t need a list of MUST HAVES. I’ve lived in a list of HAVE NOTS for 12 months. And I don’t miss my list of WANTS.
On our journey to become debt free our priorities have shifted with the debt to income ratio. Yes, we’re almost there and I will most definitely round up all the posts/information and scream at the top of my lungs that we made it. We worked (are working) very hard to make this a reality for our family.
You won’t find me apologizing for this journey or escaping from the budget just because there’s more to work with, our lives aren’t going to change because our spendable income will. This is (according to Dave Ramsey baby step #2 working on #3) but for us … we’re at ground zero. A debt free life is the beginning of being able to change the world.
So often we focus on the finish line, documenting and cheering on the sidelines for our family and friends who are close to the end of their race. Who’ve accomplished, reached, overcame! They conquered. This is it!
There is certainly a place for celebration when goals are attained. When difficult is overcome. When for a split second you stop running, look around, and see your biggest fans crying & chanting your name and running towards your stopped body, heaving with the heat of the race, to embrace you.
What gets me though is the electrical charge pulsing through your muscles when just moments ago you didn’t want to run another step; after a break and a drink you look around and see the energy you created. That you were part of something bigger than yourself. That crossing the finish line wasn’t just your accomplishment it was the collective reward to all that went in to the decision to start the race in the first place.
The celebration isn’t finishing … the celebration is deciding to take the first step.
And so this is a reminder to myself, that I decided so long ago to start something. It’s not about getting to the end of it enduring the step by step pitfalls and set backs. I’ve already made it. I began.
And I’m going to continue …
2 thoughts on “Caught”
Wow. That is an awesome bit of reflection. We can so relate. Thanks.