I have this outline for an ebook I’m considering putting on paper: The Myth of Parenting School.

I’ve told my kids so many times “I learned that in Mom school!” “Dad learned that in parenting school!” just the same as I was told growing up and couldn’t WAIT to get to this mythical school. It was my plan to be mom – what is college all about any way?

I have no idea, because my outline is half scribbled on by the best artists in town (my kids) so my thoughts on this ebook are generally in my head; however I’m pretty sure the first chapter might read something like this.

Enjoy …

There are some things you won’t be told when you announce you’re pregnant. This is a smart decision on everyone’s part. There are the books that “tell the truth!” about pregnancy and parenting infants and toddlers and then there are the medical books that warn you of everything you would have slept better without knowing. It’s my belief that the Medical Field wants you all to be scared shitless and have them on speed dial. Your Insurance Company cringes at your upcoming birth and yet – they’re delighted to sucker you in to needless office visits, weight checks AND OH EM GEE the fear of bathing your child or pooping. (You’re the one who needs to poop, by the way.)

That’s all fine and dandy. I encourage most of this because naiveté is usually your best-friend as a new parent. You just need to get through the day – wearing gloves if needed. Hold that baby, feed him/her and enjoy the quiet. Because age 3 is on the horizon … and this is the chapter the Tell-All’s leave out.

How to react to your child when they say things like “I put something in my butt!” “My nose hurts because I shoved a stick up it to see what it would do.” “Mom, is it ok to eat the soft brown things on the side walk? It looked like candy!”

Oh hello! You’ve walked into my life.

We’re past the infant carriers, high chairs and baby dvd’s (thank you, Jesus) but we’re in new territory without even one map.

Enter: The Myth of Parenting School; so your child just turned three?

dot dot dot.

2 thoughts on “Notes

  1. I need the handbook on the terrible twos. Yesterday my two-year-old yelled at me, ran down the hall and slammed her bedroom door. She will randomly hit her sister or pull her hair. And she can pitch a fit like no one’s business. My first child was an angel. What gives? Is she the spawn of Satan? Did I bring home the wrong baby from the hospital? Is all of this my fault for treating her like “my baby” even now? Ugh. I need a tantrum break.

  2. They don’t have a manual on 3 year olds because all it would say is something like “take freaking cover”. Ugh.

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