I was talking to Aaron today and mentioning how “foggy” I feel, I can’t focus. There’s just so much I want to do – I don’t know where to start. I just need a few things in order, or to feel in order, to properly acclaim myself in this house.
He agreed. We passed the fog-baton back and forth over the air waves until one us finally had to go and make work of finding a safe passage through our woods for the day.
We bought and moved into this house without really creating the space to do so in our calendars and we haven’t let up since receiving the keys. But it’s been a good transition, a very good one. A happy place to be, finally. With kids running around and dirt all over our feet. Random dinners out with Grandparents and the constant flow of stop-by visitors. This. This is it.
And I love it.
This weekend we stole away for a day to go “camping” although we didn’t stay overnight, we spent an amazing day in the sun with our small-group at Triponds.
I’m starting to find this peaceful place inside of me. I’m starting to recognize the ability to be calm and reflect calm, it’s been so long. I’ve been so wound up. So self protecting, guarded. Which I still am, but maybe more appropriately. Not so intensely. So debilitating to relational growth, in the relationship’s that matter to me.
And I was sad to be away from home for an entire day, what with a yard to play in and all those fun projects we keep dreaming about. Even if all we did was lay around or unpack another box, I wanted that. I wanted to bolt myself down to this floor and never leave or pack a bag to go or disappear ever again.
The most precious thing I realized is this: I don’t have to and it’s still not too late.