And not the Disney kind.
I’ve been quiet here and elsewhere for a while, I make it a general rule not to apologize or explain when absence occurs in an online community because most people don’t care, they just move on or wait for something new to pop up in their reader but I think I’m making some rather large changes in the way I share things so a little explanation might be in order.
The past year has been full of change already and though I try to maintain momentum and excitement for what I’ve been doing for so long – this last few months just feels too full.
I’ve been saying No to almost every project that comes my way, I’m taking to heart that if my immediate reaction to a pitch isn’t HELL YES then it needs to be a no. Not to mention, this is on the horizon.
I’ve been through two admin-assistance’s in the last year, never parting on rocky terms – always exiting as friends, but apparently I inspire people out of working … with me. I’m new to this, too, so there are obvious quirks to working with a disorganized Mega-dreamer who just wants to write; but stepping back – maybe now is not the time, either.
Maybe I need to stop pursuing this kind of growth.
I’ve stopped writing my book. For now.
Not because I think I’ll fail, in fact even if I do I’ll be glad I finished; but because I’m still learning the lessons I thought I was trying to teach. I wrote this poem about creating space on NakedOnPaper.com at the end of May – I still don’t know who or what I created the space for I just know it’s requiring it.
I think I’m tired of being vulnerable in a way that can, and often does, paralyze me. I can’t stop writing because it feels like breathing to me, and I’ll keep sharing photos and projects in time, I’m just not going to live the instant-share life of blogging anymore. I need to keep those moments for me for awhile.
I’m going to focus on offline relationships and cultivating tangible spaces in our home to cater to friendships. I might start a cooking club and ask to apprentice as a carpenter. I just want to learn and share and cook and read poetry and make art and drink wine and be healthy and laugh more.
I want to open my arms the way I can open my heart and feel the greatness of letting in.
From my head to my toes.