I’ve been reading the amazing links circulating on how to survive summer vacation. That used to be a terrible thing to admit to myself, “surviving” anything with my kids. Because, duh, I’m a mom! Like rainbows and Care Bears and Cabbage Patch Dolls all day long! Breasties! Stroller walks and photos! DID YOU SEE WHAT MY KID DID?
He pooped, ok? By himself. I didn’t need to wipe an ass, finally.
Maybe it’s because this is my 8th summer. I was hoping I’d never get to this point in parenting, where I was all “YEA GIRLFRIEND! I’M WITH YOU ON THE HATING OF THE THINGS!” But alas, I’m in pre-teen land with one of my off-spring and Dear-God-Why-Aren’t-You-In-School-Full-Time with my other.
I love them a lot. Like, the rainbows part? That’s true. They’re ridiculous fun and lift me up and out of things they didn’t even know existed. All I have to do is wake up and show up – it’ll be a great day. However…
Their laughter used to be medicine for a weary soul. I made it today because my kid fucking laughed! (That happens.) And now their noise, any of it, is like finger nails on a chalk board. You would think I had 10 children and an amplifier with which I speak to them. Because the noise? It’s louder and faster and definitely more aggravating than the 150 decible bass vibrating your entire car in rush hour traffic in the middle of Chicago.
Who keeps Tylenol in business? Moms. That’s who.
You’d think I would just send them outside: I do. They always come back to me crying and bleeding. A+ parenting, friends. A-PLUS.
Take them on a bike ride! Go to the beach! Do anything outside of your house!
Yea, I got that. I do, I will, we’re on it. But then, and hi, you adorable naive (don’t worry, it used to be me) new mom. Or Aunt. Or estrogen pumping species: they bicker. Like, they hold the Olympics of bickering and whining and not getting the thing they wanted screaming contests.
It’s adorable. You should see it.
And yes, I did just spend 12 entire days with them on vacation. A lot of those days were in the car all together. All the time. I drank a little, to be honest.
Maybe thats why I need a break so bad? Because the last month of school is really just a marathon of parties and things to do and committee meetings and signing up for more meals somewhere and at one point I spent all our grocery money on other families and totally forgot we needed to eat, too. That’s a thing right? Eating?
Those last few weeks of school aren’t really the basking in the fact that you have a few more weeks to “get things done” it’s more like I have zero time left to mentally prepare for what is about to explode in my house in just days. Good thinking on the teacher’s planning: Make all the work at the end of the year. Keep them delirious as to what’s coming. Sugar them up! Give them all our leftover paper! Everything they touched must go with them so their mother will have to deal with it!
And like a rookie I signed up for it all.
Then I booked a week and half long vacation (by car. take a moment here, say it again. BY. CAR.) 48 hours after the end of school and today is my first official Monday of Summer.
We went to pick strawberries! Someone probably got a concussion! There was laughter! Their chore charts are filled out and functioning! They have VBS to look forward to! Friends and neighbors to play with! ISN’T THIS THE BEST????
Why do I want to cry?