The last day of my twenties I said this:
Last day of my 20s. #Seeyalatermotherfuckerz I’ll swear less in my 30s. I don’t promise. I’ll love God louder, I do promise. I’ll stay the course longer, I’ll preserver. I’ll accept myself more often, congratulate the failures for the lessons learned and seek adventure before understanding. I’ll grow older and greyer. Wrinkles around my smile and eyes. I’ll walk to see the sun shining and sing to hear the songbirds respond. I don’t get why people are afraid of aging, I can’t wait.
It’s been a year alright. I looked back to see if I could tell how I changed. How I let the twenties go and how I [hopefully] opened myself up to the big yonder of hereafter. Becoming 30 was incredible and if the first day of thirty-one is any indication, it’s only just beginning.
I love looking at old photos – of my growing up, of our homes, of our kids. I love remembering. And I used to scour these photos of traces of the truth. What was I really feeling in that photo? Is she really happy? Was that really where she found home? Why do I look so scared? I felt so alone there, had no idea how to keep going in that one, no one knew I was so depressed there, I was hiding in that one …
I would chronologically take stock of what I knew to be true when I went through old photos. I was always searching for the happiness. Always looking just past the viewfinder hoping this image captured what I couldn’t see.
And as the years have gone on – that practice has been less and less of how I look for joy – because now … it’s so clearly the light behind my eyes. I didn’t find what I was looking for, I just finally let it out.
What if my purpose is just to be joyful?
I’m human, but so incredibly messy at it, and if I could tell 20-something Jodi one thing it would be this:
You are so loved.
It was undeniably the most happiest of birthday’s for me yesterday. And if all I received were the cards from my little family in the morning: it would have been more than enough.
Here’s to 31! To letting it all hang out, to saying yes to the unexpected, to seeking joy as a mission to spread to others, to finding out that Love Does, to listening and waiting my turn, to championing fellow sojourners on success and to keeping the laughter rolling. Let’s get after it.