Time flies

As the calendar would have it I’m 31 weeks into this journey – which is loosely translated into 7 1/2 months or so. WOW. I mean, WOW. I remember the smell of the hotel room we were staying in when I took the pregnancy test – on a weekend away with my family. A Christmas present given to all the men in the family – to ride a real racecar on the Michigan International Speedway in Jackson, Michigan.

This was Mothers Day weekend 2004. I remember starting the journey to Jackson driving our RAV4 with my sister, sister-in-law and one of my nieces as passengers. I casually mentioned to them that I thought I might be pregnant and how I wanted to take a test later that evening, if possible.

We spent the day at the tracks, getting rides, taking pictures and making memories. After winding down I tried to find a reason to go to the store and in that reason I tried to fit my sister. My mom was only too happy to come to a store – I can’t remember what she thought she needed, but I remember thinking how impossible it was going to be to sneak a pregnancy test by her.

So my sister and I came up with a plan – mind you she had just given birth 5 months prior. The story was to be that SHE was in need of the test, therefore buying it, because she’s so afraid of getting pregnant again, she needs to check EVERY month to be sure.

My mom was a bit horrified, but totally bought the story – and I’m trying not to laugh in the checkout line as she’s purchasing this test and lying to our mom … FOR ME, I wanted to pee my pants from the anticipation of the moment.

I made it back to the hotel without spilling the beans and confessing that it was infact my pregnancy test – and my sister and I rushed up to my room to take it.

I took the test – and we waited about a minute, the package says to wait 3, but we couldn’t … so we cheated and looked early – it was, to our understanding, a negative read. There weren’t two lines and the line that was present was very faint.

I was bummed and my sister and I talked for a bit and then she left and Aaron and me were left alone to think about it and talk some more. He was a bit relieved, not to have to go through shock and excitement in this particular weekend and I was on the verge of crying.

I headed back into the bathroom to clean up and throw everything away when I looked down and saw another line. There were two lines. The test was positive. THE TEST WAS POSITIVE! I started giggling and jumping up and down and tearing all at once and Aaron came rushing into the bathroom to see me hunched over this little stick I had just peed on minutes before – he grabbed it from me as I was telling him “I’M PREGNANT!, WE’RE PREGNANT!!!” and he said “oh gees” with this grin on his face and a sparkle in his eye.

We tried to calm down a bit before heading out to meet up with my family again, but I had already grabbed the test as proof and starting proclaiming our pregnancy in the halls of the hotel.

Our lives changed that night. We were united in a way we had never been before. We were going to be parents in less than a year. Now its only weeks away and I can still smell the hotel room. I feel like I’ve been anticipating this for my whole life – and now it’s just around the corner.

We’ve watched my stomach grow and move and we’ve monitored the growth and development of our baby – we’ve prepared a home for him or her and picked out names and outfits and begun our own traditions – we’ve talked about everything under the moon and even though we think we’re ready, there will be surprises, unending surprises and hurdles. But the happiness and the sheer joy we’re about to embark on is outweighing any doubt or apprehension on my part.

I even found my first stretch marks today, and as sad as this might be to some of you, I’m elated. My mom has always had stretch marks, and she’s always been very self-conscious about them because she thought they were ugly. To me, being the youngest and never being able to see my mom pregnant, I was so thankful she had a memory of me on her body, something I could trace and touch and feel.

I think stretch marks on the female body are the most beautiful pieces of history in woman’s life. How can you be embarrassed of proof that such a miracle happened inside of you? And how are our daughters going to think of them if we as women and mothers alike are so obsessed about the outward or the shocking or the unsightly – beauty, to me, is more than just what’s on the inside or outside. It’s what you do with what you have on the inside to make the outside glow.

I have stretch marks, people. And I can’t wait to tell this baby all about them. Only a few weeks to go – amazing.

Hiccups

The baby had the hiccups last night 🙂

SO AWESOME.

First time I’ve been still enough to feel what was going on was last night on the couch, crocheting. That’s right, I’m pregnant, bare foot most of the time and I crochet … baby hats, big hats, scarves, purses, blankets … I’m that girl.

I just had to share how exciting it was to feel hiccups in my belly that weren’t mine. I am so inlove with this miracle! I CANNOT wait to see my precious babies face, squinty little eyes dark as the night starring wildly around the room for the first time. And then those beautiful deep eyes will settle on mine and we’ll see eachother for the first time too – how awesome is that moment?

I’m flabbergasted at the awesomeness of this experience. What other Maker could so perfectly shape this life from our flesh and blood. I’m utterly spell bound.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (An excerpt from Psalm 139).”

Amnesia

I’ve read, and have now experienced, the onslaught of pregnancy amnesia. I can’t remember anything.

The asked for my birth date at the hospital the other day and I gave them my address. Then I gave them Aaron’s birth date and then, after a long pause and my eyes shut – fully utilizing my brainpower to remember MY birth date, I came up with it and spewed the information out as fast as I could.

I can’t remember names, of anyone. Instead I use the phrase “what’s his butt, or what’s her butt” alot of the time. Because we all know what’s his butt and what’s her butt. It’s illegal not know about their butts, we live in America.

Appointments are awful, unless I have a reminder of some sort, chances are, I won’t be there. And if you’re making an appointment with me, tell me to get back to you – because unless I have my planner with me, I will forget that I’m double booking you the same night as a baby shower. This has happened twice already.

Or I’ll be on the phone, telling you a story or something confidential and I’ll mention the fact that it’s confidential – people usually respond that with the remark of “Tell me what?” and I’ll say, “what?” right back. I’ve already forgotten I told you anything at all, and I’m wondering what the hell you’re talking about.

I do feel like I’m losing my mind a bit, everyday I wonder if there’s something I’m supposed to do, and I’ve forgotten. Because I’ve forgotten to pick a friend up from work already and although I had the nagging feeling that I was supposed to have done something important that day, I couldn’t put my finger on it, so I went on with whatever it was I was doing and even forgot about the nagging feeling.

My mind is a mental mess, as are my organization skills. I have none as of now.

What’s really bad is when I’m out with a friend and we’re talking and I keep telling them the SAME thing or story over and over again because I can’t remember who I’ve already told, and I should learn to just assume that they know, because they just look at me like I belong in the mental ward and I give them a blank stare right back, because I have NO IDEA what I just said. I go blank. And you’re lucky if I even get the full story or sentence out. Sometimes I stop mid conversation and I’ll move on to the next thing.

This is an epidemic, I’m telling ya.

Google Adsense

I’ve decided to add Google Adsense to my site, in an effort to make a little extra $$ if it be.

Aaron and I have long since decided that I’m going to be staying home with the baby full time instead of working. We were both fortunate enough to grow up like that and we’ve always felt that if we could, we’d do the same for our kids.

Not to say that some extra money isn’t always nice. We’re just trying to figure out the right balance – and trying to break me into the internet world, as a geek, more than anything. I have another site out there – not developed, right now just as a playground for learning code. But it’s my dream to hopefully make something of it and possibly sell some of my photography in a virtual studio.

I’m not by any means a professional photographer, I just enjoy the art and I think I have an eye for some beautiful things. I mostly take photos of young kids and babies, pregnancies, landscapes and architecture. Old barns are my favorite subject.

So we’ll see where it goes. And for some reason Google Adsense is the beginning of it all.