March 4, 2005

Almost 2 months old. Where did it go?
Jessica is making a habit of rolling over before we wake her up in the morning. Just a few days ago I went in to get her and she was staring back at me, just lookin around. And in that moment of realizing my baby girl was discovering the world around her for the first time, I, myself, discovered what it’s all about. What this is all about – parenting, babies, children. Watching life unfold, literally before my eyes.
It’s about the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I go to her after she’s been crying and there’s a shiny streak down her cheek of brand new tears.
It’s about the mornings we greet each other face on, smiling and discovering another day together.
It’s about the smiles she so willingly gives, so unconditionally to her daddy. And it’s about the noises she’s starting to make, and the bubbles she blows in her mouth.
It’s all about the scent of her baby fresh skin and the weightlessness of her body on my shoulder as she falls asleep in the nape of my neck.
It’s all about her. There’s reason to this world when reason isn’t logical. Life was created inside of me, and sustained by me. That’s what this is all about.

In so many words

Dear baby Jessica,
I cannot believe we’ve had you for over 3 weeks. It’s an understatement when someone says you blink and all of a sudden your baby is getting married. Just yesterday I found out we were pregnant and today we graduated from the newborn diapers to size one. I called your father, almost in tears. You’re growing so fast. You actuallt fit into your 0-3 month clothes and 2 in particular might be getting a bit snug already.
The smell of your head, your neck, your entire being is intoxicating. All I have to get is a whif in passing and my heart starts beating a bit faster, for I know you’re close. You’re in the room, you’re alive and doing well, you’re flourishing … and I can’t get enough of it.
I love the noises you make when you nurse and the way you crunch up your shoulders when I tickle your neck. I love the way Pappy and Jessica make you smile when you’re sleeping, they must be pretty funny because they have you smilin’ all the time. Say hi to them for me. Tell Pappy I miss the crap out of him and that I wish with everything in me that he could meet you in the flesh. To hold you and hug you and rub his wiskers all over your baby soft scalp.
I can’t get enough of your eyes and the way you wonder the landscape with your curiousity where ever we are. I’m seeing the world for this first time all over again, and it’s utterly magnificent to see it through your eyes.
To see the viens running under your skin and to think that you were put together, knit together in my womb. To think that there are acutally people out there who don’t believe there is a God. What an awesome God we have my child. What a miracle that you came to be from something the human eye cannot see – and now we have a beautiful baby girl.
Oh baby Jessica, I love you with all my aching heart. My chest swells with admoration at the sight of you, the world stops when I hear your cry and every morning I greet your face is another day I can’t wait to conquer.
Baby girl, sweet sweet baby girl, you are my breath of Heaven.