Check in, or checking?

Almost a year ago I wrote very timidly about crossing weight loss off of my Life List. Here’s why: I’m kind of a yo-yoer, I’m very self critical, the last thing I want people doing is watching me lose or gain weight.

Well, excuses aside (believe me, I have plenty: stress, moving, selling, stress, and stress) I’ve gained a small portion of of those double digits. I am in no means going backwards fast, I’m at a bit of a plateau with weight-loss/toning and I’ve been really scared to bring that to my blog.

No more! This isn’t a New Years resolution to lose weight. It has everything to do with my pancreas and wanting to stay as far away from diabetes as I can, which means I need to burn more fat and build some muscle. If a thinner shape comes from that (I’m female, lets face it) I’ll be happy, but if all I get is a clean health bill – I’ll be friggen ecstatic.

I’ve been enjoying my subscription to Grocery Shrink with her weekly emails and recently she’s been focusing on weight loss and eating. I don’t agree with everything she says, although she is very informed about calories and how to count them for a weight loss effect, I will not be someone who counts a calorie before I eat one. I choose to eat {mostly} the right kind of calorie for my body and I’ll eat til I’m satisfied. If I go beyond that it’s my fault any way, not a calorie’s.

One thing I’ve learned about my relationship to food is I like to blame the food or the emotion for making me feel blah at the end of the day. “Well if we didn’t have X,Y, Z in the house of course I wouldn’t have eaten it all and now feel like a fat hog.”

The lesson being that I am in control here. I get to choose what I do and don’t put in my mouth. I get to choose whether or not I exercise today or sit on my computer/the couch/a bench. My health is my choice and I need a monthly reminder that I need to be in control.

Literally. I see my chiropractor about that often and if I don’t I start fuh-reaking out about stuff. I just need someone guiding me yet, I’m not ready to try this on my own.

Now here’s a disclaimer for people reading this thinking I’m nuts to think I need to loose weight or tone or whatever. When I see myself naked I don’t think I’m fat. I’m critical of myself, yes. I have areas that need improvement and I’ve been suffering silently trying to figure out how to go about this.

One of the resources I’ve found and am really enjoying is Holly’s YouTube channel. A few videos I have at home and really enjoy (and also see results from) are: Pick your spot Pilates and The Tracy Anderson Method. (No affiliates.)

I also know that come 3:30/4pm every day I go haywire needing/wanting/craving sugar and because my blood sugar is still such an issue when I give in to that desire I’m throwing off potentially weeks of work to get my body on some kind of equilibrium. It’s dangerous for me. Literally.

I can wake up every morning and live a very healthy lifestyle until 3pm, then the battle begins and I have been losing horribly. And so has my pancreas. {sad faces}

So! Let’s get this shit worked out. I’m sick of being on my way to being sick forever.

Go team!

I think I can, I think I can

I’m a late adapter to most things.

Which is a huge understatement.

I married a geek, a lovely one but still, and I was AGAINST getting a new computer because I didn’t want one. Or need it. But when the time came for the new one to be bought, when I did need it, I was AGAINST letting him buy me a MAC.

You see where this is going right?

THEN … when that computer that was not a MAC finally died … I caved. It only took me about 4 years but I caved and I’ve had a MAC ever since and I love it. Really, really lots.

Same thing with phones. I now have an iPhone which is wonderful and keeps my life organized like nobodies business but I was just so against it … until one day I was done with that and wanted one, wanted one, please can I have one?

Then I had to wait and beg and grovel and wait and finally last Christmas Elevator Up bought me one as a Christmas Gift. Maybe a bonus for all those late nights away from Aaron, all that traveling? Or maybe that one year we spent in hell. Yeah, that one.

This spills over into the non-tech side of my life as well. I’ve been reading about diabetics and dietary changes, I’ve been in counseling for it and worked with a nutritionalist … more than once. I’ve got all the information I need but part of me is just waiting. Waiting for the time when it clicks or when I finally say: “Self, seriously. We can do this, let’s do this. You’ve got it.”

I think that happened this morning.

I’m still having high blood sugar readings in the mornings and am back on some of the vitamins I was off of for a while – when everything was hunky dory – but it seems that my liver and pancreas just need a little support in order to function properly.

And, light bulb moment for me, I am part of that support.

I know. Shake your head. I’ve said it here before how I’m kicking this and doing good and YAH! But I am so frustrated. And I’m part of the problem.

You see. For a very long time I was not buying the things I could not eat because very simply if it was in our house I would find a way to justify the snack or bread or whatever.

I went through a small, one week stage, where I would literally sneak away and buy ice cream after the kids were in bed. I know. This is not healthy.

I have issues.

But I kept feeling like I was ALLOWED. I was doing good! I could have SUGAR!!! Right? RIGHT!?!

Then a few days would pass and I’d get a high reading after eating REALLY well for the day before and I’d freak out. Maybe eating well ISN’T doing anything good?? Maybe I can have those crackers.

I have a sick mind.

So, really … I have delayed responses to sugar in my blood stream over a period of time. And I’ve done some reading about how important it is to be on a schedule. Eat Breakfast at this time, a snack here – then lunch, don’t forget your afternoon pick me up (almonds) and a light dinner … then possibly something small, almond like a few hours after dinner if you’re active.

It’s simple enough. I mean, I can do that.

But I can’t. Or haven’t. It’s HARD. Being on a schedule to eat feels like jail to me. I don’t want to be predictable. But I so am.

Eggs in the morning.

Salad and lunch and dinner.

Almonds, coffee and water and tea in between.

You’d think I’d have this figured out by now. But alas. I’m confessing.

The bag of Easter candy is above the fridge because keeping it under my side of the bed was, really? Do I need go further with this. AWFUL.

I do this to myself.

And I’m done.

Late adapter, possibly.

Quitter? Oh Hell No.

Glucose update

I keep forgetting to write a follow up on the glucose testing I went through last week. Or did I? Now I can’t remember. You see, amnesia. Uh, I think I wrote about the process of being poked too many times … but did I ever tell you the outcome? Oh who cares, you’re getting it again it I did already.

I’m normal. Well, mostly. My blood sugar does spike a bit after the first hour, but then goes back down into normal ranges and fixes itself over the next 2 hours. So they don’t see a need for alarm and I’m homefree to eat carbohydrates baby. Not excessively, moderately – but with passion. And the fruit I can continue to eat – I would have cried, alot, if I couldn’t eat my fruit.

We’re noticing a pattern in my eating here at the Schaap household. It’s not that I crave one certain food over and over again … it’s that I crave COLD food over and over again – fruit is awesome because you can make it bite size and stick it in the fridge and I’ll have atleast 2 hours of continuous healthy snacking, on COLD food. Pop cicles don’t really do the trick, they’re messy. It has to be something with substance, like a blizzard for instant. or Fruit.

And I know you love me when you keep the Brita water filter FULL of water on a regular basis, and the ice trays in the freezer STOCKED with ice … because you know I’m going to be at the water game for the entire 14 to 16 hours I’m awake during the day. LOVE ICE COLD WATER – HEAVY ON THE ICE.

So, in conclusion – of what I’m not sure, this post for one … it’s kinda random … anyway – I’m home free from the diabetes of gestational type and I like anything COLD, pretty much.

NOT a heroin addict, I swear.

The test went well this morning, I was to be poked in the arm a total of 4 times to draw blood at various intervals to determine my tolerance to the nasty orange glucose drink they make you down in 5 minutes or less.

I was poked 6 times, 4 of which actually drew the darn blood. I have very small veins, we’re talking tiny. They always use the butterfly needle on me, and sometimes thats even too big.

The first 3 times I was poked I had the same lady doing all the poking, and I was happy with her efficiency. She didn’t have to poke me more than once to find a vein or blood and she hit the vein right away, you know, instead of shoving it in the general area and then “looking” around for it.

But what was supposed to be my last poke was done by another tech … and lets just say she wasn’t as efficient. She was a fan of shoving the needle in the general area and looking around for the vien, not once, or even twice, but 3 times she did this – and in both of my arms, before she manipulated my scared veins to give in and bleed already.

This would have upset me far more if I had a fear of needles, or if I even cared really. Shots don’t bother me, nor does giving blood for any kind of test. It’s just more annoying than anything, because tomorrow I’m going to look like a heroin addict who’s abusing the same vein way too many times in one day. Thats right, I also bruise feakishly easy.

So I won’t know anything about the results until either my doctor calls me or I call them and see what they think. I will probably call tomorrow, seeing as how I didn’t get a call tonight about anything – I’m taking that as a good sign.

Fruits and Veggies are good for you

So I didn’t pass my last blood test – the glucose test and I have to go back to the hospital for a 3-hour glucose tolerance test.

I’m not too enthused about all this, I can’t have anything to eat for 12 hours prior to the 3 hours of testing and I can’t leave the hospital or eat anything in that 3 hours of testing.

I’m in for a long morning come Wednesday.

They gave me a special diet or shall we saw some guidelines as to what I should be eating for the 3 days prior to the test. One of the items on the list is 4 to 5 servings of fruits of vegetables in a day.

And here’s the fun part, that would actually entail me CUTTING DOWN on the fruits and vegetables I eat on a daily basis. Here’s why; we got groceries YESTERDAY and in the fruit/veggie department we bought:

3 oranges
3 bananas
6 apples
2 cantaloupes
1 whole pineapple
3 tomatoes
And some small red potatoes.

It’s only one day later and already I’ve consumed:

Almost a whole cantaloupe
Half of the strawberries
2 apples
An orange
A banana
Some grapes
And some pineapple.

So I think we have that category covered. People are so uninterested when I tell them my main craving is fruit and vegetables. Like I’m seriously trying to be boring for their imagination – because to them, being pregnant means pickles and ice cream and liver chops as the topping to grandmas famous white cake recipe. Grosse.

I like fruit. Alot. There was a time in this past few months where I would eat 2 tomatoes a DAY people. I just can’t get enough of their super awesome goodness. Along with the 27 pounds of apples we picked from Cranes a few weeks ago – CAN’T – GET – ENOUGH.

Oh and the pineapple – lord knows I love that pineapple, but my poor tongue can only take a whole pineapple in a week – not in the 2 day span I’d like to devour it in.

You might be asking yourself if I’m worried about this upcoming test, and well, in all honesty with all this talk about fruit, I’m a little hungry and can’t concentrate on much else but the bowl of pineapple chilling in my fridge. But to overcome that urge and to answer your question – no. No, I’m not worried.

At this point, blood sugar levels and all, there isn’t much I can do to reverse it or take the first test over and hope for different results. No, I don’t want gestational diabetes, but I can’t change it if I do at this point, I can only get better from here and hope for the best last 10 weeks of pregnancy.

I’ve read a bit online about the diabetes and it’s side affects on pregnancy and all that stuff, but if I read everything I’m only going to worry, and I think worrying about anything at this point is worse than having the diabetes or blood sugar problems.

Besides, everyone should cut down on the sugar intake … so it’s just a good reminder, if nothing else, to watch it.