Check in, or checking?

Almost a year ago I wrote very timidly about crossing weight loss off of my Life List. Here’s why: I’m kind of a yo-yoer, I’m very self critical, the last thing I want people doing is watching me lose or gain weight.

Well, excuses aside (believe me, I have plenty: stress, moving, selling, stress, and stress) I’ve gained a small portion of of those double digits. I am in no means going backwards fast, I’m at a bit of a plateau with weight-loss/toning and I’ve been really scared to bring that to my blog.

No more! This isn’t a New Years resolution to lose weight. It has everything to do with my pancreas and wanting to stay as far away from diabetes as I can, which means I need to burn more fat and build some muscle. If a thinner shape comes from that (I’m female, lets face it) I’ll be happy, but if all I get is a clean health bill – I’ll be friggen ecstatic.

I’ve been enjoying my subscription to Grocery Shrink with her weekly emails and recently she’s been focusing on weight loss and eating. I don’t agree with everything she says, although she is very informed about calories and how to count them for a weight loss effect, I will not be someone who counts a calorie before I eat one. I choose to eat {mostly} the right kind of calorie for my body and I’ll eat til I’m satisfied. If I go beyond that it’s my fault any way, not a calorie’s.

One thing I’ve learned about my relationship to food is I like to blame the food or the emotion for making me feel blah at the end of the day. “Well if we didn’t have X,Y, Z in the house of course I wouldn’t have eaten it all and now feel like a fat hog.”

The lesson being that I am in control here. I get to choose what I do and don’t put in my mouth. I get to choose whether or not I exercise today or sit on my computer/the couch/a bench. My health is my choice and I need a monthly reminder that I need to be in control.

Literally. I see my chiropractor about that often and if I don’t I start fuh-reaking out about stuff. I just need someone guiding me yet, I’m not ready to try this on my own.

Now here’s a disclaimer for people reading this thinking I’m nuts to think I need to loose weight or tone or whatever. When I see myself naked I don’t think I’m fat. I’m critical of myself, yes. I have areas that need improvement and I’ve been suffering silently trying to figure out how to go about this.

One of the resources I’ve found and am really enjoying is Holly’s YouTube channel. A few videos I have at home and really enjoy (and also see results from) are: Pick your spot Pilates and The Tracy Anderson Method. (No affiliates.)

I also know that come 3:30/4pm every day I go haywire needing/wanting/craving sugar and because my blood sugar is still such an issue when I give in to that desire I’m throwing off potentially weeks of work to get my body on some kind of equilibrium. It’s dangerous for me. Literally.

I can wake up every morning and live a very healthy lifestyle until 3pm, then the battle begins and I have been losing horribly. And so has my pancreas. {sad faces}

So! Let’s get this shit worked out. I’m sick of being on my way to being sick forever.

Go team!

you’re the house of the best part of you

I have these two sticky-notes that I taped together and put on my fridge almost a year ago when all these really hard health changes started happening for me. The eating radically different, checking blood sugars, going to three different non-traditional doctors for answers.

I was really struggling with getting myself on board with everything. I wanted to keep eating the pasta and bread. I wanted SO badly to keep the ice cream. I was all for it on the outside but my mind was fighting me, tooth and nail, to the death of myself to me. Finally.

It reads …

“Jodi – you
clean for guests
and take care of
your house –
what makes
you and your
body different?
You’re the house
of the best part
of you. Bless it.”

That small piece of paper, taped and ratted at the edges, has been tossed around – thrown into piles, moved and moved and then moved again and I can’t throw it away. I’ve looked at it probably 20 times almost tossing it and then I think, No! This one blessing that I gave myself, this one reminder that kept me from getting more sick when it was at it’s worse deserves more than the bottom of the land fill.

So I keep it.

Some days it shows up in my purse when I didn’t put it there, or in my computer bag when I’m having a crappy day. Some days it’s at the top of my pile of “things to do” and other’s it’s just resting on my dresser. This twenty-nine word reminder to love myself has thousands of reasons written between the lines of why I need to keep reading it, keep remembering that I was the one who wrote it and I’m the one who needs to read it … over and over and over again.

I Am The House Of The Best Part Of Me.

I Will Bless It.

Bless You

Here’s your little reminder … if needed šŸ™‚ (A free printable art-poster … from your’s truly)