What do you think?

I’m not really allowed to use the Internet to self diagnose any more. There was that one time this summer that I was positive I had Pituitary Cancer because there were certain Lady Things that had not happened and eight pregnancy (yes eight) tests later and a blood work up from the hospital all told me the same thing: I was not pregnant.

Obviously it was pituitary cancer. You see how this works right?

Not to mention it was, um, a stressful summer. Moving. Moving and oh we moved! Right on the heels of a conference I had co-planned and in the midst of saying “Yes! Please, can I pay you to buy this house??” … I was under some stress. Fair enough.

I had pink eye as a child and recently I remember hearing somewhere that one of the “awful” ways you get pink eye is being exposed to poop.

Well, shit.

That is the number one thing I am exposed to on a daily basis. Lots of it.

And we’re out of hand soap.

And we don’t wash our own clothes … or have any bleach in the house.

Pretty much we live in filthy filth every day and then we touch our eyes.

So I’ve been wearing my glasses today because it kinda sorta hides it … right?

And part of me wanted to wear sunglasses to church because a year or so ago (maybe 2?) Britney Spears made headlines because she and her boys were wearing sunglasses and people, GASP!, HORROR!, thought that meant they were hiding a case of pink eye.

Well, duh. If the paparazzi thinks it’s terribly disgusting and worth making fun of then it must mean I, too, am an awful parent for somehow contracting this little bacteria.

We’re all on the same boat here, aren’t we? Speaking the same language?

Just checking.

Anyway … I think I have pink eye and it’s probably because I haven’t boughten (bought?) new eye makeup brushes in years. Haven’t washed my pillow case in about 2 weeks and ran out of the sanitizing hand wash. (But not the gallon pump of the anti bacterial water free hand sanitizer!! Points for me, points for me!!)

If I’ve ever touched you, you should probably take cover.

I have chronicled my wonderful housekeeping and total hygienic mothering here before: See here, and here, and please try not to see here.